Since I grew up I have always needed to be in control of everything. Myself, my family, my home, my job, etc. I guess that came from my childhood. My mother was an alcoholic. I couldn’t do anything right and every choice I made from what I wanted to wear to what I wanted to eat was deemed unacceptable to my mother. I had a little brother that would come into my room and just destroy my toys and the things I treasured. My mother just allowed that to happen.
I don’t really think my mother liked me. I believe she loved me in her own way, after all she gave birth to me and I don’t think you can do that and not have love for the child you bore. The situation resolved itself when I was eleven. My mother took off on New Year’s Eve with my brother leaving me and my dad. I went to live with my paternal grandmother and she finished raising me. I was so blessed to have her in my life. I began to call her Mom. When I referred to my mother, I called her Mother.
After college when I got married and had a family, I still needed to be in control. I didn’t realize how difficult that was on my family. I was driving everyone crazy. One day Gary, my husband, said to me “The kids are starting to hate you.” I became very upset and made up my mind right then and there that I would make a determined conscious effort to give up the control that was hurting my family.
This relenting of control didn’t happen over night. It took quite a while, but I worked at it and finally I had achieved my goal. Family life improved immensely and my relationships with my kids became wonderful. I still have a great relationship with each of my kids today. I can sometimes still feel the need to control things, but I have learned to push that idea right out of my head and let someone else take charge.
