Giving Up Control

via Daily Prompt: Control

Since I grew up I have always needed to be in control of everything.  Myself, my family, my home, my job, etc.  I guess that came from my childhood.  My mother was an alcoholic.  I couldn’t do anything right and every choice I made from what I wanted to wear to what I wanted to eat was deemed unacceptable to my mother.  I had a little brother that would come into my room and just destroy my toys and the things I treasured.  My mother just allowed that to happen.

I don’t really think my mother liked me.  I believe she loved me in her own way, after all she gave birth to me and I don’t think you can do that and not have love for the child you bore.  The situation resolved itself when I was eleven.  My mother took off on New Year’s Eve with my brother leaving me and my dad.  I went to live with my paternal grandmother and she finished raising me.  I was so blessed to have her in my life.  I began to call her Mom.  When I referred to my mother, I called her Mother.

After college when I got married and had a family, I still needed to be in control.  I didn’t realize how difficult that was on my family.  I was driving everyone crazy.  One day Gary, my husband, said to me “The kids are starting to hate you.”  I became very upset and made up my mind right then and there that I would make a determined conscious effort to give up the control that was hurting my family.

This relenting of control didn’t happen over night.  It took quite a while, but I worked at it and finally I had achieved my goal.  Family life improved immensely and my relationships with my kids became wonderful.  I still have a great relationship with each of my kids today.  I can sometimes still feel the need to control things, but I have learned to push that idea right out of my head and let someone else take charge.

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