Climbing Out of the Sorrow


Have you ever been told happiness is a choice?  I never really bought into that idea until now.  Last August I lost my husband of 40 years.  I never expected I would have to go through the death of my life mate.  It was sudden and cruel and it left me feeling this awful pain, emptiness and anger.    I wanted to shrivel up and die too.

At first there is so much you have to attend to.  Making funeral arrangements, changing bank accounts, notifying social security, etc.  Family and friends are constantly with you while you handle all of the lists of things that need to be taken care of.   Then, it all stops. Everyone goes home.  No one is making you dinner anymore.  All of a sudden your home is emptier than it has ever been.  The reality that you live alone hits and it hits hard.

I began to wake up and make a conscious choice for happiness.  I began to climb out of that sorrow to face another day and another and another.  I still stumble occasionally but I put one foot in front of the other and move onward and upward.  I choose to look for the beauty that surrounds me and to lean on my family for strength but mostly to trust that I am exactly where God means for me to be.

God has given the human spirit a determination that will sustain us beyond belief.   It’s what fuels my climb out of the sorrow and anger that greets me each morning and all of a sudden I realize that the journey isn’t as long today as it was yesterday.